Tuesday 18 June 2013

Men Matter - The importance of male role models


Audrey with her Grampy Blake



No man stands so straight as when he stoops to help a ‘child’.  Knights of Pythagoras



While we celebrated Father’s Day (aka Special Man’s Day), I found myself grateful for all the wonderful men in my life, and now in my daughter’s life. She is so lucky to have a number of strong, positive male role models around her, including her amazing father and 2 wonderful grandfathers. A gift she will benefit from her entire life. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. 

Modern day living has isolated us from extended family and has interrupted the very important aspect of community. Without this network which includes grandfathers, uncles, and family friends, children have few male role models to look up to other than ones forced on them by the media (athletes and entertainers).
It is essential in the development of children to have a positive male role model in their lives. Sometimes this importance is underestimated, maybe even mostly by men themselves.

Fathers are just as important to children as mothers. And the statistics prove it. Father-deprivation is a more reliable predictor of criminal activity than race, environment or poverty. (Sources: National Fatherhood Initiative (U.S.A.), US Bureau of Census (U.S.A.), FBI (U.S.A.) In fact, children who have a father (or a father figure) who is actively involved in their lives do better in school, get in less trouble, and make more money than children who don’t have a male role model (US Dept of Health, Jan 2011). Many other statistics can be viewed on the Canadian Children’s Rights Council’s website. (www.canadiancrc.com)

No matter how many wonderful women surround them, boys and girls need male role models. Ideally this is a father, but it is not always a possibility, and their fathers alone are not enough. The lack of male role models exists perhaps more in the community at large than at home as fewer and fewer men are choosing to get involved (teachers, coachers, youth group leaders, etc.).

By about age 3, male-ness and female-ness become very important concepts for children in their view of the world, and will remain so for at least the next 15 years. Yet, except for their fathers, both boys and girls have virtually no significant relationships with any other adult males at this age. Without a healthy model to navigate towards, children instead look to media and friends to fill that role. Behaviours are then deemed appropriate based on fictional characters and immature peers. The sense of normalcy is skewed.

Being a role doesn’t mean you are perfect - none of us are. It means you care and you are willing to show it. You don’t need to be a father to be a role model and have a major positive impact in a child’s life.

Men and women alike (including single moms and same-sex couples) need to recognize that a relationship with a stable, supportive male is one of the best things we can give our children. Every child needs a community of people around them who are totally committed to their success. We need to not only be the positive role model but also make an effort to create this community for our children.

Here are some useful resources that may help:
Local church and youth groups
Family and friends
Useful websites: